Greetings,

My brother had expressed his desire a few times to give me some photos that were with someone I liken to Fire Lord Ozai (if you know, you know). Alternatives to Ozai include Voldemort, “He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named”, or The Lion King’s Scar. In grief, humour somewhat lightens the heaviness of it all.

I didn’t have a sense of urgency to get those photos immediately, but eventually, I relented to Prince’s suggestion to take some of the older family pictures. Prince did give me about a photo album or two filled with photos, filled with colours, vibrancy and nostalgia.

Looking through them, I see my brother and me as toddlers; he is lovingly holding me in his arms. There is another of my cousin and me at Afrofest. It’s funny how, even though so much time has passed since the pictures were taken, I can recall the scent, the atmosphere, and the sounds. At Afrofest, there was burnt corn, some of the kernels a crisp black; I believe some of the corn had lemon on it.

Looking back at my childhood through rose-tinted glasses, I am reminded of an idyllic time, where I was impervious to the word "death" and stood on the threshold of discovery. Always a curious one, I swallowed a key from a toy handcuff set, put my arm on the stove, pulled the fire alarm whilst at day camp… you get the point.

My brother was equally daring—if he was ever locked out of the house after forgetting his keys, he would enter via the balcony, which was usually unlocked. What gave him the bravado to be so bold, I can’t say. As a child, I often clung to him; he was a de-facto parent. Looking at those vintage photos reminds me of that.

My brother, without explicitly stating it, knew it was important to keep an archive. I suppose I did too, in some ways. I have several journals and online blog posts; though I often don’t go back to them once they are written, I just write and write, often in a stream-of-consciousness style.

But it’s important to keep records. I wish I had taken more videos of my brother, of his voice… I thank God I have a good memory, but I still try to enjoy the moment more—to savour it, because you don’t get it back. Make the most of each day.

Do encourage others to subscribe to the newsletter. I also appreciate your prayers as I aim to wrap up this project by May’s end. My book is undergoing final edits and the cover design starts next week.

Many thanks for following and reading,
Princess

"Pretty intense life experiences. It's very good so far." – Lina Smith, Founder of True Image Fitness

"I really appreciated this piece of work; it is quite lovely and very expressive of the state of grief." – Hugh Barker, Editor (Bloomsbury, Ebury)

Chai & Chat – 8 July – I will promote thoughts on grief and also discussing my experience in care with staff of York Region Children’s Aid Society.

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